At the end the Universe began.

The Four Orders Series - Part 6

The sight of a ‘Dame of the Realm’ falling out of a cupboard whilst engulfing herself around a young trainee chef was admittedly a surprise for the four colleagues. LIFE began to giggle, although not as joyously as she had in the Fiat Punto. This giggle had a nervous edge to it. Both SPACE and TIME rose to their feet, startled. DEATH backed away slowly from the two embracing bodies.

“Who are they?” LIFE’s voice was diminished, but still loud enough to interrupt the two humans, who until that point had not been aware that they had left the safe enclosure of the confused cupboard.

Dame Boudica Goodridge wobbled her voluptuous self up to standing with impressive dexterity, folding her silk dressing gown into place. Estoban Montief lay on floor, the sheer weight of confusion rendered him motionless.

“Who are they?!” the Dame boomed back. The straightness in her spine and voice could command whole empires.

“Who, might I ask, are you?”

The Dame was clearly used to being in control of matters and she wasn’t going to let a small thing such as being one of only two surviving humans throw her off her game.

“Why on earth are you dressed like that?” She continued, directing her questions towards the still retreating DEATH.

“Who the hell do you think you are? Coming into my house with overgrown gardening tools. Well… come on man! Spit it out!” It was only at this point that Dame Boudica began to consider her surroundings, however having boldly claimed that this black hole was her house, she wasn’t going to back down now, despite the dawning realisation that this was not, in fact, her house, nor was it her county, country, planet or realm.

The blue embers in DEATH’s eye sockets flared with rage. He had recently been attacked by a vicious glove compartment and set upon by a hoard of Vikings that were higher than kites. After all of that he was not about to be belittled by a pompous windbag as well. He was just about to give her a good solid scything, when TIME jumped in.

“My dear Dame. We had not expected you to grace us. Sincere apologies for any disturbance we may have caused you and your young companion. Might I be so bold as to ask, where you believe yourself to be?”

Visibly placated by the due deference she was finally being afforded, Dame Boudica relaxed slightly, while Estoban remained on the floor, confusion leaping with snail pace towards fear.

“Well.” She spoke from the chest.

“I was supposed to be meeting with the Chairman of the Parish Council to discuss the perilous situation with the village green mowing schedule.”

Photo by Martina Jorden on Unsplash

At this point you should be made aware reader, that DEATH was all but ready to begin the Universe anew just to end it again, such was the intense hatred this single sentence had inspired within him. Please be assured that you would not be blamed were your reaction along the same lines.

“However, I caught Estoban unexpectedly on his break from dressing the pheasants. And so, I decided that we should take a moment together in the potting shed to discuss some… important matters. I closed the door behind us to avoid the prying eyes of the Parish gossips, and then… well, here we are.”

“You weren’t meant to be there were you?” LIFE asked from behind her tea cup. SPACE nodded along.

“And why not you insolent child? It’s my bloody potting shed.”

“No.” SPACE stepped forwards, standing alongside DEATH.

“What she means is that none of us four expected you to be there. It wasn’t where you were meant to be. You’ve surprised us. It doesn’t happen too often, but it does happen sometimes.”

“And what is it to you whether I am in my own potting shed or elsewhere?” The Dame was feeling overly questioned and began to get all empirical again. Estoban continued his impressive commitment to absolute silence, which he had learned was best for his prospects whenever in the company of the Dame.

“Chao…”

“Don’t you start with your bloody chaos again.” DEATH cut SPACE off and threw down his scythe (he was getting good at it). He removed his hood.

“GOODNESS!” The Dame jumped her not insignificant frame backwards and Estoban placed himself heroically behind her. DEATH set his jawbone tight with a force that would crumple moons.

“Chaos got us into this mess, can’t you see that? If it weren’t for chaos, I wouldn’t have been attacked by that beardy bastard. When will you three get it into your cloudy fucking brains. We need order, has the last few hours not shown you the utter carnage that chaos brings? We need these human fucks to live, walk the line and die at the end of it. Easy peasy, fucking squeezy. Without chaos we wouldn’t have this overly inflated potato sack and her spindly love-noodle here now, would we?”

“HOW DARE YOU!” At this the Dame strode forth and slapped DEATH’s smooth skull so hard that it spun it on its axis. This made LIFE collapse into a belly laugh.

Photo by Mathew MacQuarrie on Unsplash

“My boney friend…” Estoban peaked out from behind the mass of shoulders that was the enraged Dame.

“You are wrong, my friend. Forgive me please, I do not know who you are or where your skin has gone. But, if I may, it is the chaos that makes my life better. Without the chaos I would not value my life at all and my death would be meaningless for this.”

DEATH stared blankly at the young trainee chef. SPACE felt tears well in her eyes. TIME poured some more tea.

“What Estoban means is, he would welcome death, knowing his life was fuller because without chaos he would not have enjoyed so much of my company.”

“Yes, this is it that I mean.” Estoban nodded. Dame Boudica straightened her dressing gown again as a way of demonstrating her resumed control of proceedings.

SPACE placed her hand gently again onto DEATH’s arm.

“You see.” Smiling, she looked him in the embers. “If you want them to value you, to value what you stand for, to value what you mean to them, you need to let go.”

DEATH walked back to the table and silently took a seat. TIME refilled each of their tea cups. LIFE sipped greedily, still chuckling at the image of DEATH’s spinning skull. SPACE joined the others at the table while Estoban watched on and the Dame decided that everything was happening in a manner which she was allowing.

“We have to send them back right?” LIFE asked in a way that she knew wasn’t actually a question.

“You’re right my dear girl.” TIME beamed at her. “We cannot begin anew with these two here with us. The timelines would be too entangled.”

“I always thought of time as sort of bendy my friend.” Estoban offered from beside Dame Boudica. SPACE rolled her eyes and TIME laughed heartily.

“How right you are my dear man!”

SPACE opened the top of the teapot, then took a sip of her cup.

“Come on gang, let’s pick up where we left off shall we? I think we have no option. We need to just start things off from where they were.”

“No reset?” LIFE sipped her tea.

“No reset.” SPACE replied.

DEATH said nothing.

In turn they each took one last sip before emptying the dregs back into the teapot.

SPACE placed the lid back on top of the teapot. Just as the Dame was about to complain at not having been offered any tea (or anything stronger) herself, she felt a pull from within her chest. Estoban felt the same as he started to move back towards the cupboard.

As the Dame and her illicit lover found themselves drawn helplessly back into a potting shed they could just glimpse a woman in a swirling green and blue robe throw a teapot into the air before they were blinded by a flash as all matter came back into being around them.

A celebrated amateur surgeon continued writing in his notebook.

A green Fiat Punto sat quietly on a rural driveway.

SPACE turned to her three companions, but one of them was missing.

“Where’s DEATH gone?” asked LIFE.

“I expect he is wondering what to do next.” SPACE replied, before tidying away the teacups.

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