To begin with the Universe ended.

The Four Orders Series - Part 1

Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

To begin with the Universe ended. Things only got worse from there.

It was designed to be definitive. A complete wipe as it were, hard reset. Start again - soup to nuts. However, due to a couple of unfortunate, yet as shall be seen entirely foreseeable oversights, the ‘complete wipe’ missed a few units of matter.

Firstly, a notebook from the writing desk of Professor Jesidiah Bollard, noted post-future philosopher and celebrated amateur surgeon. This first oversight was largely, although not entirely, inconsequential compared to the second oversight. A used 1996 Fiat Punto, colour green, one careful owner (although the glove compartment does often open when navigating speed bumps or left hand corners).

Whilst this second oversight was measurably more significant than the first, both of these pale in comparison to the impact of the final oversight. That which concerns Dame Boudica Goodridge and her illicit lover Estoban Montief (trainee chef).

Neither the three oversights, nor their significance were evident to the four cloaked figures as they met in the confines of a freshly collapsed black hole. This black hole, as it happens, is located at the precise point in which, just previously, you would have found Hemel Hempstead. No judgement was made by any of the four as to whether the black hole constituted an improvement.

“We fucked that one up sunbeams!” The figure cloaked in black, whom you would have recognised as DEATH announced, throwing down their scythe with a clank that seemed performative given everyone was floating.

Photo by Amr Taha™ on Unsplash

Before we go much further, it should be made clear that the four beings in conference here are each a leader of one of the four Orders; Life, Death, Time and Space. They were being hosted within the black hole by Space, a necessity driven by the fact that (temporarily at least) Life and Death had ceased to have much meaning. Time still had some relevance, but only as it related to Space herself and so for this reason, and that of embarrassment, Time was silent for the majority of this conference.

By way of mere footnote, it should also be explained that these four cosmic beings now communicate in a language understandable to you and I. This is a reasonably new development though. For the vast elongation of existences these four had communicated in a manner akin to telepathy. However, all four of them had really got in to the TV show ‘Scrubs’ and as such adopted a communication method more understandable to the spectator. It had been assumed a fad, but does appear to be sticking.

“What do you suppose went so wrong?” LIFE was dressed in an aggressively white robe with the ceremonial halo as was customary for these occasions. They always spoke in questions, never answers. It annoyed the others, particularly DEATH who preferred things a little more definitive.

Read the second Part here:

A notebook in TIME.

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